Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
