I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
