I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
