i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
