Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
