i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
