Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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