I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Text me some of your sweat
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
