I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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