I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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