would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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