It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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