Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
