Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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