I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
