I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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