Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
