I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
