you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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