I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
