did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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