hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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