you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
we should paint friendship bongs
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
