Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
