girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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