You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
