You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
