just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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