? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
