Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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