i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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