I'm really into asian looking animals
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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