i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize