Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
