i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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