thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine