I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
