At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.