I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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