I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
