i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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