cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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