Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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