I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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