Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
