I just pynch a tree in the face
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
