She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I love having hate sex.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
