I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
a search helicopter?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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