I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
