This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
