So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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