buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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