I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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