So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
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I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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