I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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